MOVIE

Yankee Rose

1994 · 77 min ·

Given that the inept screenplay is by Cash Markman, no surprise that the title has nothing to do with the video whatsoever. Poorly directed by Scotty Fox, this would-be comedy (it tries hard for laughs and fails 100%) is styled as an adventure with a 25 cent budget. Steven St. Croix is dull as a professor, with "Indiana Jones" referenced in the dialogue to remind us, and his sidekick is reta*ded Mike Horner, very unfunny seeming to imitate Jonathan Morgan, St. Croix's usual sidekick who is not in the cast. They head to the country of Poontangia in search of the Gem of Virility, belonging to the Dragon Lady. End of plot from the Cashmeister, and cue the ridiculous fake kung fu fight scenes, with of all people, Mark Davis (not noted for comedy) as Chop Chop, the Dragon Lady's guard. Kylie Ireland with a lousy black wig stars as the Dragon Lady, while the Gem turns out not to be precious but merely blonde Randi Hart. Cash's set-up for a sequel is nauseating.